South Park “How I Spent My Summer Vacation” ____________________________________ TAMMY CORIZIS 11 GEORGIA POINTE-CLAIRE QUEBEC H9R-5V7 CANADA PHONE # (514) 697-0917 SCREENPLAY BY TAMMY CORIZIS LITEARY AGENT Terry Chase Chenowith 4822 Hollow Corner Rd. #277 Culver City, CA. 90230 _______________________________________________ FADE IN: INT. CARTMAN’S HOUSE - NIGHT. CARTMAN watches another episode of TERRANCE and PHILLIP. TERRANCE I’m gonna open up a can of whoop ass. PHILLIP You mean THIS can of whoop ass? Phillip farts in a can. They both break out in laughter. Cartman cracks a smile and a short laugh. MS CARTMAN enters the room holding KITTY, who appears to be meowing insanely and clawing to and fro. CARTMAN God damn it, shut that freggin’ cat up! LIANE (Over the noises) Kitty needs to got to the hospital. CARTMAN Why does Kitty have to go to the Hospital? (Worriedly) Is she gonna die? LIANE Kitty has to have an operation... CARTMAN For what? LIANE We have to get her fixed. CARTMAN Why, is she broken? KYLE, KENNY, and STAN appear out of nowhere. STAN Dude! CARTMAN How did you guys get in here? KYLE Your mom left the door open. STAN What’s going on, dude? CARTMAN Kitty has to get fixed. KYLE Dude! You gotta save your cat, man! My little brother got fixed! CARTMAN WHAT?! KYLE It’s where they chop off your fireman! CARTMAN Hey! Nobody is gonna be chopping off Kitty’s fireman! SFX: Dramatic music plays. CUT TO: INT. AUDITORIUM - NIGHT. BEGIN CREDITS. SLOWLY WE PAN FROM THE MOON ABOVE -- We then -- FADE INTO A WINDOW. Two teenagers, one dressed as a Neo-Nazi, the other, a KKK member, both are standing in a circle. Seven adults stand behind the two girls. All are holding candles. A Swastika BURNS in the circle in front of them. Eighteen-Year-old RACEWIND HITLER and LEELOU KUKLA stand in front of the Swastika. An image of SATAN, LIANE CARTMAN, SADDAM HUSSEIN, and ADOLF HITLER appears within the Swastika. Leelou and Racewind look at each other. LEELOU (Referring to the image) Ooo -- Racewind looks disgusted. END CREDITS, with a slight bit of song. RACEWIND What’s SHE doing there? LEELOU He looks kinda busy... Everyone looks impatient. CULT MEMBER #1 (Holding an autograph book) Raise them already! LEELOU Hey! It takes time! He’s an evil... Genius! RACEWIND Boy is HIS ass gonna be sore when he wakes up in the morning. Satan appears in a cloud of smoke. Hitler is wrapped in a blanket with him. SATAN (Softly) Let’s go back to bed... Racewind and Leelou COUGH loudly both are trying to get their attention. Satan and Hitler turn and face the cult. SATAN (CON’T) Where are we? I’m cold... Racewind looks disgusted. RACEWIND (Disbelieved) And YOU guys are supposed to be OUR leaders? LEELOU Send the fucking pussies back! RACEWIND Yeah! Let’s get that chick! LEELOU Yeah! She’ll do anything... Liane appears sucking on a carrot. LIANE Come back to bed boys. CULT MEMBER #1 Our leader is gonna be a chick? CULT MEMBER #2 (Throws his hat on the floor) Yo, this cult is getting weaker by the minute. Our first leader turned out to be a fruit, and our SECOND leader is a girl! Racewind lifts up Liane’s sheet. RACEWIND Well TECHNICALLY she’s not really a woman... CULT MEMBER #3 (Angrily) I don’t care WHAT the hell she is Racewind, get me off that mailing list! LEELOU (Shouting) The only way you can quit is if you kill yourselves! Everyone takes out a knife, somebody appears with dynamite attached to his body. RACEWIND And if you die, you’ll all go to hell because you joined the cult in the first place! LEELOU And then Satan will turn you into a homo! SFX: Knives and weapons dropping. The cult members all stare forward in shock. Then walk out mumbling. RACEWIND Fine! We don’t need you! LEELOU Yeah! We’ll start our own cult! RACEWIND Yeah! And it’ll be bigger and better! LEELOU And YOU’RE not invited! DISSOLVE TO: INT. APARTMENT - DAY. Leelou and Racewind are surrounded by junk food while they watch the news. REPORTER Kids today need discipline. They’ll believe anything you say. PRINCIPAL VICTORIA appears beside the reporter. VICTORIA Like the kids from South Park Elementary for example. Kyle, Stan, Kenny, and Cartman are shown in the back of Principal Victoria, picking up garbage. REPORTER (To Victoria) And how did you do it? VICTORIA We told them that the first one done gets a million dollars. The last one done gets a night with Barbra Streisand. The reporter shivers, Racewind turns off the TV. LEELOU Hey! I was watching that! RACEWIND Dude! We’ll get kids! LEELOU Are you feeling okay? RACEWIND We’ll get kids to join our cult! It’s like the principal said... They’ll believe anything! LEELOU (Excitedly) Yeah! We’ll enroll as local elementary school students and get them to join our cult! But um, where are we gonna get kids? Leelou glares at Racewind, who backs away. RACEWIND (Frightened) Leelou, what the hell are you thinking?! Leelou cocks an eyebrow. CUT TO: INT. PRINCIPAL VICTORIA’S OFFICE - DAY. Loud noises are heard from behind a closed door. Inside, Victoria presses “STOP” on a VCR. Cartman, Kyle, Kenny, and Stan are being educated by a video. VICTORIA See boys? Now THAT is a pussy. So, the next time you ask a girl if you can see her pussy, remember that is what it looks like. STAN Sick dude! VICTORIA No, no it’s not. Maybe now you think so, but when you get older, you’ll have craving’s for -- KENNY (Mumbling excitedly) Let’s go find some pussy! KYLE Principal Victoria, Cartman’s cat is getting fixed. Does that mean her pussy is broken? Principal Victoria slams the door in their faces. STAN Man, what a BITCH. KYLE (Shrugs) Yeah, I was just asking a question about a pussy. They leave the office. Leelou and Racewind walk in, both are still as teenagers. Stan stops them. STAN Dudes, I’m looking for a pussy. Do any of you have one? LEELOU (Shrugs) I have eight pussies. Racewind hits Leelou, disgusted. KYLE Can you show it to us? STAN (Nevrously) No! I don’t wanna see it! KYLE You’re such a little pussy, Stan. STAN Could we all stop talking about pussies, please? CARTMAN What are you, gay or something? Elsewhere, Racewind and Leelou are busy talking with Principal Victoria. LEELOU We’d like to enroll our kids into your school. VICTORIA (Looking around) Where are they? RACEWIND They’re out back playing with the perverted boys. Victoria looks at Leelou and Racewind oddly. VICTORIA (Sighs) They’ll be transferring to Mr. Garrison’s class room. LEELOU (In deep thought) Garrison, eh? Is he really a queer? CUT TO: EXT. SOUTH PARK ELEMENTARY - DAY. Racewind and Leelou are now as kids. Leelou wears a white hooded sweater that resembles a KKK hood. Racewind wears a German jacket. Both are sitting on swings. LEELOU So Racewind, who’s on your hit list this year? RACEWIND (Angrily) That fag Mr. Garrison. He taught me when I was in third grade at my old school, and he always had the tendency to insult me with that fucking hand puppet, dude! I’m gonna rip off his balls, hang them on a tree, inflate them, and stuff them with candy so I can give them to my little brother for his birthday party so he can use it for a fucking pinata! Leelou looks shocked. She then decides to change the subject. LEELOU So how do you feel about Pip? A huge smile spreads across Racewind’s face as hearts fly around her head. Leelou looks annoyed as the Love Song starts. LEELOU (CON’T) Why don’t you just go talk to him? RACEWIND (Shrugs) What if I get rejected? I forget what it used to be like... Being a kid and all. I may look small but I still have the mind of an eighteen-year-old. LEELOU Pediphile! RACEWIND Shut your fucking face, bitch! LEELOU You have a great chance with Pip because well, he’s a loser and so are you. There you go, you two have one thing in common already. RACEWIND (Sighs) Okay, here it goes... Racewind jumps off the swing and ends up getting tangled in the chains. The Love Song starts up again as Pip helps her to her feet. PIP Are you all right? RACEWIND Yeah, damn swings! Hee, hee... I must of slipped. LEELOU Duh! PIP Do you like Ringette? RACEWIND Yes. LEELOU No. PIP Would any of you like to come see me play? LEELOU (Quickly) No. RACEWIND (Cutely) Yes. LEEELOU (Realizing) Racewind, you like Ringette? RACEWIND (While blushing) Er... Um... Yes. LEELOU (Laughing and pointing) You’re such a little pansy! Leelou jerks her arm away as Racewind goes to hit her. They both smile at Pip cutely. CUT TO: INT. MR. GARRISON’S CLASS ROOM - DAY. MR. GARRISON catches Leelou as she walks in late. Racewind has already taken her seat beside Pip. MR. GARRISON Leelou, where the hell have you been? LEELOU At the Guinacologist. MR. GARRISON What the hell for? LEELOU I’ve had this annoying yeast infection for the past six months now. MR. GARRISON Ah, sick! Isn’t that gross Mr. Hat? MR. HAT It sure is, Mr. Garrison. Stan turns to Kyle. STAN Dude, what’s a Guinacologist? KYLE I think that’s when the girl doctor looks at your pussy. STAN Hmm... This morning Racewind told me that Leelou secretly had like, eight pussies. Is that pussies as in PUSSIES, or pussies as in pussy CATS?. KYLE Dude! Leelou sits beside Stan. STAN (To Leelou) Are your pussies okay, dude? LEELOU WHAT?! Racewind laughs stupidly. Leelou appears to be writing a note to Stan. She folds the note up and gives it to WENDY, so she can pass it to Stan. Thinking the note is for her, Wendy opens the note. CLOSE UP THE NOTE It reads: “Guess who likes you.” A shocked expression rests on Wendy’s face as she stares at Leelou, disgusted. CUT TO: INT. CAFETERIA - DAY. Racewind is about to take a bite out of her sandwitch. Pip looks nervous as he tries to talk to her. PIP So, if you like Ringette, why don’t you join my group? RACEWIND Because people will think I’m a pansy. (Beat) Especially Kyle Broflovski... PIP (Smiles) I don’t think you’re a pansy. And if Kyle respects you, he won’t either. RACEWIND (Thinking) Hmmm... A group of bullies approach the table. Leelou appears to be with the group. BULLY #1 Hey Racewind, I heard you were into Ringette. Did you know that Ringette is a sport for pussies? RACEWIND Ringette is NOT a sport for pussies! I see that’s why YOU play it, eh? Racewind points to Bully #1’s badge, then crosses her arms with pride. LEELOU Shut up dude, his mom makes him. He doesn’t even like the sport. This is Adam, Shawn, and THAT’S Gilbert. RACEWIND Gilbert? That’s a pansy-ass name... GILBERT Oh, RACEWIND -- (Sarcastically) That’s a GREAT name. RACEWIND It’s my internet alias, dildo! GILBERT Whatever. Seeing Racewind with Pip, Kyle sighs. KYLE (Singing) There’s the girl that I like... Cartman HITS Kyle across the arm. KYLE (CON’T) You stupid dildo! What the hell was that for? CARTMAN If you like her so much, go talk to her you little wuss. KYLE She’s into classy guys like Pip, Gregory, even Damien would do her good. CARTMAN You’re just using that as an excuse. KYLE (Angrily) Oh sure, I’d like to see YOU walk up to a girl and ask her out, fat boy! Leelou approaches the table with her new gang. KYLE (CON’T) Weak dude! It’s Leelou Kukla! Cartman turns around nearly spilling his orange juice. Leelou appears to be rather sweet around Cartman for a brief second. LEELOU (Sweetly) Eric -- CARTMAN (With pride) See Kyle? I’m gonna ask Leelou to the school dance... In anger, Leelou angrily KICKS Cartman in the balls. Kyle breaks out in laughter. CARTMAN (CON’T) WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR YOU STUPID BITCH?!!!! Racewind taps Kyle on the shoulder. KYLE (Sligtly annoyed) What dude?! Kyle gasps once he realizes who he had just yelled at. Racewind holds out her hand for Kyle to shake. RACEWIND (CON’T) (Politely) I’m Racewind. I’m the leader of a cult called the KKK. KYLE My friend’s call me Kyle. CARTMAN We call you Kyle, because your name is Kyle, you stupid dildo! KYLE And we call you a stupid fat ass, because you ARE a stupid fat ass Cartman... STAN Um, Racewind, what does KKK stand for? RACEWIND Kids Kil -- Leelou COVERS Racewind’s mouth. LEELOU (Smiles) Kids KISSING Kids. And I’M the leader. CARTMAN Sweet. I wanna join the KKK! KYLE Yeah, join as many times as you want fat boy. KENNY (Mumbling) No girl would ever wanna kiss you. CARTMAN (Angrily) I could probably get more girls to kiss me than YOU ever could, Kenny! Racewind and Leelou look at each other, nod, then at the same time, they each kiss Kenny on both sides of his cheeks. Kyle and Stan laugh at Cartman as Kenny blushes. CUT TO: EXT. PLAYGROUND - DAY. CHEF stands over Racewind and Leelou as they work on their banner. CHEF And how are we doing today? RACEWIND (Excitedly) Great! We’re only moments away from accepting a few new members into our two cul -- Leelou once again, puts her hand over Racewind’s mouth. LEELOU Um... Two clubs! CHEF What kind of club is it? LEELOU (Unnatrually) Um... The KICK KICK KICK club... CHEF KICK KICK KICK? I don’t even wanna ask. Chef walks away, looking puzzled. Kyle appears dressed like a member of the original KKK. The entire school stops what they are doing, looks up at Kyle, and GASPS. Racewind SLAPS herself in the forehead. RACEWIND (Moaning) Oh my God... KYLE You guys are just jealous because YOU’RE not members of the KKK! Realizing what Kyle had just said, Chef looks stunned. CHEF Lord have mercy on his soul... (To Racewind and Leelou) So... THAT’S what KICK KICK KICK stands for. RACEWIND No! It’s Kids Kissing Kids! We just derss like that to honor the honored one. LEELOU (With pride) Which is me, you will all bow now and your lives will be spared! RACEWIND (Whispering) They think we’re part of a gang called Kids KISSING Kids not Kids KILLING kids! LEELOU Yeah -- (Aloud) Sorry, that was our old gang! This is our new one! All the cute guys in South Park please step forward and prepare to be um... KISSED! All the boys run back into the school screaming as Leelou chases after them. Racewind turns to Kyle. RACEWIND What’s up with that? KYLE Beats the hell out of me. So do you like my costume? My mom sewed it up for me last night. RACEWIND It makes you look cute... (Shyly) And sexy. In a weird kind of way. Kyle removes his costume. KYLE Gee, thanks... RACEWIND While we’re on the topic of... Well, MOM’S, I’m moving in with mine this week. I have a little brother that I’m gonna meet for the first time in my life. KYLE Aren’t you excited? RACEWIND Should I be? KYLE Well yeah... If you’re gonna be meeting relatives for the first time, dude. Stan, Cartman, and Kenny come out dressed exactly like Kyle. STAN (Confused) Where’d everybody go? Kyle and Racewind look at each other and shurg. CARTMAN God damn it! I wanted to kiss people! KYLE Yeah, then you’ll end up with Mono fat boy. CARTMAN What the hell is Mono? STAN It’s a kissing disease. CARTMAN You guys are making this shit up. If Mono really was a kissing disease, then why would Racewind and Leelou start a club called Kids Kissing Kids? SFX: Weird western-style music plays. CUT TO: INT. ARENA - DAY. The captioning on the screen informs us that this is: 1 WEEK LATER Stan, Kenny, Cartman, and Kyle watch Pip and Racewind play Ringette. KYLE Why are we here again? STAN Because you’re gonna try and impress Racewind. KYLE I hope Pip falls on his ass. Chef appears. CHEF Hello Children. ALL Hey Chef. CHEF How are my little crackers today? KYLE Good. CARTMAN Hey Chef, will you have sex with my mom? CHEF What?! CARTMAN I want a little brother God damn it! KYLE You can have my little brother, Cartman. CARTMAN Your little brother is a pansy. KYLE You’re a fucking pansy Cartman! CARTMAN Anyways, I’d like to see you try and play Ringette you little dildo. KYLE I’d like to see YOU try and play Ringette, fat boy! CARTMAN If I can play it, and I beat you, I get to keep your little brother. KYLE I don’t know... (Shrugs) Okay. Leelou walks out of the girls locker room in her Ringette uniform as number “93”. She then skates over to Stan. LEELOU (Cutely) Stanley, can you help me with my skates please? Stan PUKES all over the ice. LEELOU (CON’T) Eeew! CARTMAN (Singing) Stan likes Leelou Stan likes Leelou -- STAN Shut the fuck up, you sorry-ass sack of rat nads! CARTMAN (Confused) WHAT?! Leelou skates away, right past Wendy. WENDY (Angrily) I’ll help you with your skates! Wendy ties up Leelou’s skates, but ties the laces together. LEELOU (Politely) Thanks Wendy. Leelou tries to skate, but falls, and lands in Stan’s puke. Wendy walks away laughing. Meanwhile, Racewind is elsewhere with GREGORY. GREGORY Just one kiss. RACEWIND No Greg! GREGORY ONE? Not even a little peck? RACEWIND I’ll give you a little peck -- Racewind COCKS back her arm, ready to punch Gregory. Seeing Chef, Racewind puts down her arm and smiles innocently. Gregory smirks as Chef walks away. GREGORY Come on, Racewind. I see the way you look at me. Racewind puts her finger in her mouth and makes a gagging sound. RACEWIND Yeah, right. GREGORY Please? Won’t you give me a chance? I’m ten times better than Pip. RACEWIND You ask a new girl out every week... GREGORY Feel honored, this week it’s you. RACEWIND (Angrily) Sorry, but THIS week I’M going out with Pip! Gregory looks hurt as Racewind skates away. She slows down once she sees Pip smiling at her. Racewind skates over to Pip. PIP (Surprised) Wow, you really like me... RACEWIND (Shyly) Well... What’s there not to like? Stan approaches Gregory. STAN Woah dude, I saw you trying to put the moves on Racewind. GREGORY (Sighs) Do you really think I stand a chance with a girl like that Stanley? STAN I doubt it. Nobody really fucks with her. Anything I can do? GREGORY Can you put in a good word for me? STAN Sure. Stan walks away. STAN (CON’T) (More to himself) Yeah, like I wanna end up with a black eye. Racewind appears to be skating with Pip before the game starts. Kenny steps onto the ice and does not seem to see the zamboni machine getting ready to clean the ice. Stan skates over to Racewind and Pip. RACEWIND Hey Stan. STAN Hey dudes. Racewind, I saw Gregory trying to put the moves on you. RACEWIND He’s never gonna get me. Sure I like him, but as a friend. Besides, Pip treats me with respect. The way a girl should be treated. Right Pip? PIP Right-o! STAN (To Racewind) So, do you ever think you’ll give Gregory a chance? RACEWIND (Disbelieved) When HELL freezes over, dude! STAN (While backing away) Okay, okay, I’m sorry! Loud screams are heard as Kenny can be seen in the background, trying to out-run the zomboni machine. PIP Isn’t that Kenneth? RACEWIND (Gasps) Oh my God! He’s gonna get squshed! STAN (Carelessly) He dies all the time. The zomboni machine RUNS over Kenny. RACEWIND (Screaming) OH MY GOD! STAN THEY KILLED KENNY! Kyle appears beside Stan, and shows his fist to the zomboni machine. KYLE (Angrily) You bastards! Kenny emerges from the machine. Unharmed. STAN, KYLE, RACEWIND & PIP (Confused) Huh? KENNY (Mumbling) Hey guys! I’m okay! RACEWIND Nobody can survive THAT. He must work out. SFX: Weird western-style music plays as Pip, Stan, and Kyle all look at Racewind oddly. Kenny skates over to Stan and Kyle. STAN Woah dude! KYLE That was KILLER! RACEWIND (To Kenny) Are you okay? Pip looks jealous. KENNY (Mumbling) I’m okay. RACEWIND (Cutely) Oh Pip... Racewind gives Pip a kiss on the cheek. Pip blushes and immediately over comes his jealously. Cartman approaches Kyle, ready to play Ringette. CARTMAN I’m gonna chew you up, and spit you out. KYLE You would, fat ass. Everybody laughs. CARTMAN I’m way better than you on the ice, Kyle. KYLE Cartman, you’re so fat, I’m surprised we still have ice to skate on! RACEWIND Oooh, diss! CARTMAN Your face is a diss, Racewind. KYLE Leave her alone, dude she never did anything to you. CARTMAN Whatever. Are we gonna play Ringette or not? KYLE (To Racewind) Fat boy’s probably gonna chicken out. RACEWIND (Worriedly) Just be careful out there guys. The ice is really weak this year. STAN Yeah, because fat boy’s been skating on it. Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Pip, and Racewind break out in laughter. Uncontrollable giggles by Kenny, follow. Leelou appears on the ice with her gang. The theme from “Psycho” plays. KYLE Uh-Oh. PIP Are you sure you don’t want me and Racewind to play? KYLE We can handle this, Limie. RACEWIND (Angrily) Stop calling him names, Kyle! KYLE SORRY I didn’t know you liked the little pansy that much, dude. RACEWIND This game is against you and Eric. Me and Pip don’t wanna be apart of it. Isn’t that right, Phillip? PIP Right-o. KYLE (Muttering) Wuss. RACEWIND What was that? KYLE (Unnatrually) I said um... “Oops”! As in, ‘Oops I’m sorry I called Pip Limie’. (Under his breath) Not. Kyle and Cartman skate up to Leelou and her gang. GILBERT (Angrily) You guys are TOAST. GILBERT, SHAWN, and ADAM all slap their sticks on the ice. Chef appears before them and gives Leelou a cold stare. CHEF (Before blowing the whistle) Now, don’t play too roughly. And remember, all’s fair in love and war. It doesn’t matter who wins, if you win or lose, it’s how you play the game. (Excitedly) Now, let’s play ball! Chef blows into his whistle. Pip flags him down. PIP Um, Mister Chef, sir -- CHEF (Slightly annoyed) Yes Pip, what is it? PIP There are no balls in Ringette. You play with a ring and a stick. CHEF (With annoyance) Yes Pip, I’ll try to remember that the next time we play. Chef starts to skate away. RACEWIND Um, Chef -- Hearing Racewind, Chef turns around. CHEF Yes Racewind, what is it THIS time? RACEWIND If Eric and Kyle break out into a fight and have to be disqualified, can me and Pip play? CHEF (Sighs) Yes Race, I suppose you can. You know, you look like somebody familiar. Like somebody Mr. Garrison taught way back in third grade, only you’re a smaller version. I used to be a Chef at Mrs. Henson’s Elementary School for Girls, you know. RACEWIND (Shocked) YOU were the school Chef? (Realizing) I mean... You worked at an all girl school? CHEF Get more women that way. Racewind laughs nervously. Chef skates away, utterly confused by Racewind’s weird behaviour. Pip turns to Racewind. PIP What was all that about? RACEWIND Ah, don’t pay attention to him Pip. Let’s cheer Kyle on. I’m sure he’d appreciate our support. PIP (Sighs) Oooh... All right. RACEWIND (Cheering) We want a pitcher not a belly itcher! We want a batter! Eric’s getting fatter! Cartman stops skating and angrily turns to face forward. CARTMAN What?! Kyle laughs hysterically. STAN That would work if it was baseball, dude. Kenny giggles uncontrollably. RACEWIND What the hell are you guys doing here? STAN We wanna watch, are we not allowed? RACEWIND Oh, sure go right ahead. You guys can help me with a cheer. SONG: “RACEWIND’S CHEER” in the beat of “KYLE’S MOM’S A BITCH”. RACEWIND (CON’T) (Singing) Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell Eric’s fat He’s really fat He’s the fattest kid in the whole wide world He’s really fat Imagine that He’s fatter than the state of Ohio Stan, Kyle, and Pip start clapping. RACEWIND On Monday’s he’s real fat On Tuesday’s he’s real fat Then Wednesday’s through Saturday’s he’s real fat Then on Sunday’s just to be different He’s a super duper maya maya FAT ASS! Have you ever met my mom’s son Eric? He’s got the biggest ass in the whole wide world He’s really fat Imagine that He’s fatter than the state of Ohio! Fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat Eric’s really fat! My mom’s son’s real fat and he eats too many Cheesy Poofs! STAN & KYLE We want a pitcher not a belly itcher! We want a batter! Eric’s getting fatter! The clapping gets louder, as does the chorus. RACEWIND & CHORUS Have you ever met my mom’s son Eric? He’s got the biggest ass in the whole wide world He’s really fat Imagine that He’s fatter than the state of Ohio! Fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat Eric’s really fat! My mom’s son’s real fat and he eats too many Cheesy Poofs! Liane Cartman appears behind Racewind as she continues to do her cheer. Stan looks worried as he stops clapping. RACEWIND I really mean it my mom’s son He’s a big fat fucking Pig! I really mean it My mom’s son Yeah! LIANE Racewind? RACEWIND (Gasps) Mom! Everyone stops playing Ringette, and looks over at Liane and Racewind. ALL Say what?! PIP (To Racewind) You’re related to Eric? RACEWIND Well... I guess it really is a small world. Hee hee. CUT TO: INT. TERRANCE AND PHILLIP RESIDENCE - DAY. The captioning on the screen informs us that this is: CANADA EXACTLY TEN MINUTES LATER... Terrance watches a documentry created by American’s, dedicated to Canadian’s. REPORTER (O.S.) (From TV) Canadian’s, why the need for them today? For starters, they show know how to make a great igloo. An image of a Canadian making an igloo is shown on TV as Terrance watches the documentry, while eating a bowl of Kroft Dinner. TERRANCE We don’t all live in igloos! Phillip enters the living room wearing a winter jacket. PHILLIP (Excitedly) I just got back from Alaska! The whole town is covered in snow, and every Canadian there lives in an igloo. I met this one American that could build a castle out of ice. How come we don’t live in an igloo, Terrance? TERRANCE Because we’d FREEZE Phillip. PHILLIP No we wouldn’t. At least not in Alaska. TERRANCE Listen Phillip, we need to rally up every Canadian in Canada. PHILLIP That’s a lot of Canadian’s, Terrance. TERRANCE It sure is, Phillip. But we have to fix every mistake American’s ever said aboot us. Do you see Canadian’s riding on Polar Bears when their car is in the shop? PHILLIP Well, NO. But in Alaska -- TERRANCE Alaska is part of America, Phillip. PHILLIP (Beyond shocked) It is? TERRANCE Enough of this shit. Canadian’s have taken the abuse from American’s long enough. It’s time to hit them where it hurts, Phillip. PHILLIP What are you going to do aboot it Terrance? All is silent as Terrance thinks. A long extended farting noise is heard. Terrance and Phillip break out in laughter. CUT TO: INT. CANADIAN STADIUM - DAY. A Canadian crowd is gathered around Terrance and Phillip. TERRANCE I’m sure you all know just why we called this meeting. CANADIAN #1 Why did you call us all here? PHILLIP Because of American’s. TERRANCE Aren’t you all tired of American’s blaming us for the behaviour and actions of their fucking children?! ALL CANADIAN’S (Carelessly) No! TERRANCE (Surprised) YOU’RE NOT?! PHILLIP (Stunned) You’re not even pissed off at them because they constantly make fun of our beedy eyes, and floopy heads? ALL CANADIAN’S (Carelessly) So what?! CUT TO: INT. CARTMAN’S HOUSE - NIGHT. Kyle, Stan, Kenny, Pip, Racewind, Cartman, and Leelou sit at the dining room table. All are waiting for Liane to bring them their dinner. Kyle turns to Cartman. KYLE (To Cartman) See dude? Aren’t you glad you lost against me in Ringette? Now I don’t have to give up my little brother, and YOU have a Neo-nazi for a sister. CARTMAN Girls are pussies. (Calling) MOM! Go back to Hell, fuck Satan, and get me a little brother God damn it! LIANE (O.S.) Okay, hon! STAN (To Racewind) Dude, you’re like German and you’re a Neo-Nazi. KYLE (To Racewind) Are you like Hitler? RACEWIND (Thinks) Yes. CARTMAN Kick ass! LEELOU And we have our own club! RACEWIND Just like Hitler. STAN Can you talk? I mean... Just like Hitler? RACEWIND (Shrugs) Nien. STAN Cool! Do you have your own army? KENNY (Mumbling) Just like Hitler? RACEWIND Not yet. (More to herself) But we will soon... Liane places a big meat loaf on the table in front of everyone, then takes her seat. STAN So, explain to us how it’s possible for Racewind to be related to such a fat -- I mean, big boned kid named Cartman. CARTMAN (Angrily) Hey! LIANE Well, it all happened when I met a man named Adolf in a Satanic chatroom. We cybered and then decided to meet. But we didn’t know it would go that far, and I had no idea I had met him more than once on several occasions. But it was just as shocking for me when he showed me his little girl. Oh, she was a frisky little thing. Kenny looks at Racewind, then laughs. Racewind angrily hits Kenny. BEGIN FLASHBACK. EXT. HELL - ZERO HOURS - DAY. HITLER shows Liane around Hell. HITLER Welcome to my place of residence. Ms. Cartman. LIANE Well, it is rather COZY. In the background, DAMIEN, and Satan are revealed roasting a bunch of marshmellows. Hitler takes Liane over to a black-spiked baby carriage. HITLER This is my daughter, Racewind. LIANE Oh, look at the little cutie. RACEWIND (Baby voice) Biach... LIANE I wish I had a baby just like her. HITLER Well, that can be done. If you’ll just sign this documentry... Liane looks confused as Hitler hands her a contract. LIANE Oh my -- HITLER You’ll be the proud mother of this little bundle of joy. I have no time for her, I have to rule the world! And you get this lovely tupperware set. RACEWIND (Baby voice) Penis! HITLER Isn’t she adorable? RACEWIND (Baby voice) Da da, bad bad... Bastard. Hitler hands Racewind to Liane. LIANE (V.O.) I just didn’t know what to do with her. Racewind was just a baby and being a single mom -- KYLE (V.O.) And a whore. LIANE (V.O.) And a whore. I just couldn’t let my daughter grow up in a world of hate and loneliness, so I gave her up for adoption hoping we would never meet again. END FLASHBACK. INT. CARTMAN’S HOUSE - PRESENT. Leelou wipes her tears. LEELOU Oh Racewind, if I knew you were the daughter of Hitler I never would of treated you with such disrespect! Everyone looks at Leelou. LEELOU (CON’T) Okay, so MAYBE I might have... RACEWIND Mom, you gave me up for adoption because you were a whore? That’s weak! KYLE Dude, be thankful you don’t live in Hell! CARTMAN I’m related to Hitler. Kick ass! STAN Racewind’s related to Hitler you stupid dildo! Hitler’s not your real father. But if your mom is your dad, and Hilter is Racewind’s dad, and her mom is your mom, then who’s your dad? CARTMAN Ah, forget it! Pip takes Racewind by the hands and smiles at her. PIP I’m sorry you have such a screwed up family, Racewind. RACEWIND That’s okay, Pip. I do have a screwed up family. STAN But you’re German, that’s what counts. German’s are cool! KYLE No they’re not! Hitler hated Jews! And anyone that hates Jews is NOT cool! RACEWIND (Shrugs) I don’t hate Jews. KYLE You’re bound to follow in Hitler’s footsteps sooner or later, dude. Liane comes out of the living room. LIANE Oh Eric, your favorite TV show is on. CARTMAN Well, it’s been fun guys, but I’m going to watch Terrance and Phillip. KYLE (Carelessly) Good, you go do that fat ass. CUT TO: INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT. Everyone sits in front of the TV while watching a news report on Terrance and Phillip. REPORTER Look out America, it’s Terrance and Phillip -- And over a hundred Canadian’s out to trash America! RACEWIND Oh my God dude! We have to move out, tonight! We have to -- Pip grabs Racewind and kisses her passionately. Eveyone stares forward, shocked. KYLE Woah dude! RACEWIND Or we could just do this. CARTMAN Not at my house. RACEWIND I live here too, now. CARTMAN NO YOU DON’T! STAN Dude, now it’s Canada that’s starting the war. LEELOU I’m still confused. Why are Terrance and Phillip launching an attack on America? I mean, it doesn’t make any sense. What did we do? CARTMAN I’m not getting into detail. But I think it’s probably because American’s spend fifty percent of their time dissing up Canadian’s. LEELOU Fuck! Look at them all, there’s gotta be more than a hundred free-loading Canadian’s there! We have to stop them before they get here! When we wake up, they’ll already have launched their attack on America. CARTMAN (Annoyed) Relax, you stupid bitch. LEELOU (Angrily) Don’t call me a stupid bitch, you fucking fat ass fuck! Move over you’re taking up precious space! CARTMAN (Yelling) Oh yeah?! Come here and kiss me! LEELOU Practice on your arm or something! If you use me, it’ll be too God damn graphical! I don’t want Mono! CARTMAN (Confused) What the hell is that again? LEELOU It’s a kissing disease. CARTMAN There’s no such thing as a kissing disease. Some stupid pig fucker probably made it up. Just because you KISS somebody, doesn’t mean you’ll get a disease. LEELOU Hey Cartman, can you spell disease? CARTMAN As a matter of fact I can. It’s -- LEELOU C-A-R-T-M-A-N. CARTMAN (Offended) Hey! God damn it, you fucking hoe! KYLE I have a plan. Tonight, I’m gonna get up when everybody is sleeping and wake up Racewind. Then we’ll stop those damn Canadian’s from attacking our Mountain Town. STAN Uh -- Dude... KYLE What? STAN We were all supposed to hear that? KYLE Well... (Shrugs) No. STAN Weak dude! CARTMAN (Singing) Kyle wants to kiss Racewind Hitler -- Kyle angrily hits Cartman. PIP Wait, I’ve got a better idea! CUT TO: INT. PIP’S HOUSE - BASEMENT - NIGHT. Racewind, Leelou, Kyle, Cartman, Kenny, Stan, and Kyle follow Pip as he walks over to a computer that appears to be covered in a sheet and lifts it up. RACEWIND So, what’s your big plan Pip? PIP I’m not sure yet. But I’ve got an idea. And I’m going to need a lot of help. So -- (To Racewind) Sweetheart, would you hand me that black book on the table next to you? RACEWIND (Confused) THIS thing? Pip nods. Racewind hands him a black book. As Pip goes through the book, Leelou smiles and hits Racewind in the arm. LEELOU (Whispering) He called you his Sweetheart. RACEWIND So -- LEELOU Eric would never call me ‘Sweetheart’, and I bet Kyle would never call you a cute name like that. RACEWIND I feel like a fucking slut, Leelou. LEELOU Well -- That’s okay Racewind. You ARE a fucking slut. RACEWIND You’re not being very supportive, you know. Pip begins typing on his computer. Racewind climbs the seat and sits next to him. PIP Now, all we have to do, is get some extra help. LEELOU We could call up the national guard. STAN Weak dude. What the hell would he do for us anyways? RACEWIND Well, he COULD guard our town and stop Terrance and Phillip from coming to attack us. KYLE OR we could get Mr. Hankey! He’ll set things right. CARTMAN Right. We’re gonna get help from a piece of Christmas crap. STAN Why don’t we just get Kyle’s bitch- ass mom? She’s the one that started the whole war last time. Maybe this time, she’ll rally up all our mom’s to STOP Canada from making a mistake. CARTMAN Canada is such a shitty country I wish it never existed. KYLE I wish you never existed, fat boy. PIP I’ve got it! The army will be here in thirty six hours. STAN Pip, are you out of your fucking mind, dude? KYLE Thirty six hours?! That’s like two God damn days. LEELOU Canada will have taken over America by then! There’s only one thing left to do... KYLE Fight back? STAN Kick ass? CARTMAN Get Hitler? RACEWIND No fucking way, dude! LEELOU We have to rally up our old cults Racewind, it’s the only way. RACEWIND No, I’m not going back to the cults. LEELOU (Disbelieved) What the hell is wrong with you, dude? This is a desperate situation. PIP (To Racewind) Sweetheart, is everything all right? KENNY (Mumbling) Yeah, Racewind doesn’t look too good. KYLE You can say that again, Kenny. KENNY (Mumbling) Yeah, Racewind doesn’t look too good. RACEWIND I’m fine. STAN Is there something you guys wanna tell us? KYLE Seriously. They come along, then all this weird shit starts happening... Cartman ends up getting a German sister, Pip now has a girlfriend -- STAN Who happens to be Cartman’s German sister... KYLE Canada wants to kill us, and Leelou is trying to hide her feelings for Mr. Garrison! Everyone stares at Leelou shocked, she then goes BRIGHT red. CARTMAN This is some pretty fucked up shit right here. RACEWIND (Sighs) Well, I guess you guys would find out sooner or later. See, Leelou and I aren’t really -- Well... What I’m trying to say is -- LEELOU WHAT my pansy-ass best friend is trying to say -- Is that she really loves Pip. And I think I’ve learned something today -- RACEWIND I’ve learned that we have no time for Leelou’s pointless crap. CARTMAN That’s a load of crap that doesn’t make any sense. LEELOU And we’re not really eight-years-old. ALL (Shocked beyond belief) WHAT?!!! PIP Did I miss something? KYLE Dude, your fucking girlfriend if a fraud. A fake! A phony! RACEWIND Kyle -- KYLE (Angrily) I can’t believe I even had feelings for you, dude! And it turns out you aren’t even eight-years-old?! How old are you? Fourty three?! RACEWIND I’m really eighteen, but Kyle... I did this for a reason. Leelou and I had to enroll as elementary school students so we could get members to join our cults, and Principal Victoria said that the kids at SOUTH PARK ELEMENTARY would believe anything they heard so... We took the opportunity to try and get you guys to join our cults, so we would make all of you adults and prove to our old cult members that we could own a cult of our very own. LEELOU But now, we’ve only got twenty four hours to decide what we wanna be... Kids -- Or adults. CARTMAN You God damn Pediphile! LEELOU I don’t even like you, fat boy! CARTMAN HEY! Pip looks extremely hurt and sorrowful. Racewind approaches him, cautiously and puts her hand on his shoulder. RACEWIND Phillip -- Are you going to be okay? PIP I will be... KYLE (Angrily) Dude, your fucking boyfriend just discovered that you’re really a teenager just impersonating a kid. I don’t think he’s gonna be ‘okay.’ CARTMAN (To Kyle) Why are you sticking up for Pip? Who gives a crap about what that pansy thinks. RACEWIND SHUT THE FUCK UP CARTMAN! In rage, Racewind angrily punches Cartman in the nose, grabs Pip, and together they run into another room. Racewind locks the door. STAN I wonder what they’re gonna do in there. CARTMAN Who the hell cares? The bitch still punched me. Kyle angrily kicks Kenny. INT. CLOSET - NIGHT. Pip looks at Racewind, sadly. PIP (Hurt) How could you do this to me, Darling? RACEWIND (Sadly) Oh Phillip... I didn’t want to. I liked you so much that I didn’t have the balls to tell you how I really felt. OUTSIDE We see that Kenny is evesdropping on Pip and Racewind. Kenny laughs. INSIDE Pip still looks sorrowful. RACEWIND (CON’T) I didn’t know it was gonna get so out of hand. PIP Racewind -- If that is your real name. How -- RACEWIND I don’t know what’s real or not anymore, Pip... But if you don’t wanna be with me anymore, I completely understand. It is kind of humiliating knowing that your girlfriend is like... A hell of a lot older than you. PIP Yes... Well, this isn’t the first time I’ve been humiliated. RACEWIND Huh? What do you mean, Phillip? PIP Never mind. RACEWIND So, you still wanna be with me? Racewind looks away, sadly. PIP For the rest of my life! Pip moves in and kisses Racewind romantically. Leelou appears at the door, crying, all Kenny can do is point and laugh. LEELOU That’s so swwwwwwwwwweeeeeettt! Leelou hugs Pip and Racewind tightly. They look deathly ill. LEELOU (CON’T) (While crying) I love you guys! RACEWIND Thanks. I needed that to help me with my final decision. And I think I know what it is. Racewind takes Pip by the hands. RACEWIND (CON’T) Pip... Will -- DISSOLVE TO: EXT. CAMP SIGHT - NIGHT. Terrance, Phillip, and over one hundred Canadian’s sit around a bon fire. Phillip over-looks some plans. PHILLIP We’ll move in tomorrow at sun rise by this way. That way we’ll have more time to launch our surprise attack. Now, if there is anyone here that thinks they can’t cope with this, please raise your right hand. TERRANCE American’s think we’re stone-age savages, with no brains. VOICE (O.S.) Where’s the bathroom?! PHILLIP Well... We brought three hundred pounds of Kroft Dinner! So, I guess you’ll all have to share that ditch over there. TERRANCE Who brought the milk? PHILLIP Who brought the pans? All the Canadian’s shrug at the same time. Phillip runs around holding Kroft dinner. CLOSE UP TERRANCE As he plasters his face to the camera. His nose is running and he appears to be crying, imitating the BLAIR WITCH PROJECT. TERRANCE (Horrified) We’re going to die out here... CAMERA DROPS to the side. Phillip opens the boxes of Kroft dinner, and begins dumping the cheese into his mouth. Everything becomes quiet. The wind breezes past. VOICE (O.S.) How are we gonna stay warm?! Terrance’s fart breaks the silence. Phillip then breaks out in laughter. More farts follow. As does more laughter. Everyone looks annoyed with them, but fart along with them. PHILLIP It sure it HOT Terrance. Terrance and Phillip start farting on the fire, trying to make it grow. CUT TO: INT. AUDITORIUM - NIGHT. Leelou, now back as an adult, is about to initiate Kyle. Kenny, Stan, and Cartman appear to be there as well. LEELOU So, what was your religion before you joined the Neo-Nazi’s? KYLE Oh... You mean... Was I Jewish? Members from Leelou’s old cult all gasp out disbelieved. KYLE (CON’T) What? LEELOU Kill the Jew! Kenny runs out of the way, and runs out with Kyle as the cult members chase after them. Somebody jumps on Kenny, and holds Kyle down so he can’t escape. KYLE OH FUCK! Leelou takes out her dagger and sends it flying through Kenny’s eye. Kenny falls to the floor. STAN Oh my God! They killed -- Kenny RISES to his feet. Then starts running around with the knife in his eye. His hood falls off, so we are able to hear him perfectly. KENNY Oh my God! There’s a knife in my eye! There’s a knife in my eye! STAN What? KYLE Dude, we can’t understand you! Kyle turns to Stan. KYLE (CON’T) What did he say? Stan shrugs. Kenny bumps into a wall. A big metal Swastika FALLS from above and chops Kenny’s arm off. STAN Oh My God! Kenny killed Kenny! KYLE You -- Kenny stands, shaking his head. Racewind appears on the stage with Pip. She looks extremely annoyed. RACEWIND JUST DIE ALREADY! With that, Racewind kicks Kenny into the crowd. SFX: HEAVY METAL music plays as Kenny is being thrown into the crowd of cult members. Like in a concert, the crowd catches him and cheers. Stan LOOKS OVER the crowd to make sure Kenny is finally dead. STAN Oh my God! They killed -- Kenny stands, but barely. His hood hangs there by a thread. KYLE (Annoyed) Urgh... OFFICER BARBRADY appears with attack dogs. BARBRADY Sniff ‘em out boys! Barbrady releases the dogs. Kenny is busy, picking up his arm. CLOSE UP KENNY As he TURNS around. An attack dog jumps on Kenny and begins eating him. ON STAGE Everyone is on the stage drinking punch, not paying attention to what is happening in the crowd. Kyle TAPS Stan on the shoulder to let Stan know what had just happened to Kenny. Stan sees that Kenny is now deceased. His eyes widen happily. STAN (Carelessly) Oh my God, they killed Kenny... KYLE (Excitedly) YOU BASTARDS! There, I said it, can we go now? PAN TO THE PUNCH TABLE Racewind, still a kid, walks up to Leelou who is still as an adult, and sees her dunking Cartman’s head into the punch bowl. LEELOU Had enough, FAT ASS?!!!!! CARTMAN I’m telling my ma -- Cartman gurgles bubbles as Leelou puts his head back in the punch bowl. When she lifts up his head again, Cartman angrily stares at her. CARTMAN (CON’T) I’m gonna kick your, ass! I swear to God! RACEWIND We gotta go! The dogs are gonna eat us! Leelou looks into the audience, but does not realize she still has Cartman’s head in the punch bowl. LEELOU’S POV The attack dogs are eating up all their cult members. Barbrady approaches a cult member wearing a KKK cloak, the cult member holds a bong. BARBRADY Is that a BONG young man? CULT MEMBER (Unnatrually) It’s for my Asthma!! BARBRADY Oh, okay then! Barbrady then takes the cult member’s hood, and places it over his head. BARBRADY (CON’T) Bundle up, it’s cold out there. It is then revealed, that the cult member is actually a member of the KKK. Leelou is still putting Cartman’s head in the punch bowl. Kyle approaches Leelou with a concerned look on his face. KYLE (Worriedly) Dude, are you sure he can breathe in there? LEELOU Oooh! Shit, I forgot! Leelou lifts up Cartman’s head. He is not breathing. STAN (To Kyle) Dude, give him mouth to mouth! KYLE NO WAY DUDE! STAN Okay, Leelou you do it! LEELOU I’m not putting my tongue anywhere near his mouth! Racewind, you do it! RACEWIND That’s SICK dude! STAN But he’s not really your brother! RACEWIND (Disgusted) What does that have to do with anything? Leelou looks nervous as she looks at a lifeless Cartman. Everybody waits for Leelou to bring him back to life. Cartman’s eyes FLIP open. He then grabs Leelou and kisses her. They stop kissing. Then look into each other’s eyes. SXF: Love Theme starts. The music comes to a sudden stop, when Leelou realizes what she had just done, she angrily SMACKS Cartman. LEELOU (Spits) Eeewww! CARTMAN Yay! I’m not a virgin anymore! SFX: Heavenly music plays. Stan hits Cartman in the arm. Music is then stopped. STAN Dude, you’re gonna get Mono now! You kissed a girl! Cartman FALLS to the floor. Kyle looks over at Cartman and makes a weird face. KYLE (Confused) Eh... Cartman? SFX: Sentimental music begins to play. CARTMAN Good-bye, cruel world! (To Kyle) Come closer, my friend... MUSIC STOPS. KYLE Dude, like when you die... And like go to Heaven, can you tell Kenny to get his ass over here and pay me the five bucks he owes me? CARTMAN GOD DAMN IT, I’M DYING! KYLE (Realizing) Oh yeah... There there... (While looking at Racewind) There, there... Officer Barbrady appears to be talking to Racewind and Pip, on the other side of the stage. RACEWIND What seems to be the problem, Officer? BARBRADY Well, we got some calls about a disturbance in the school. What exactly seems to be the trouble, little girl? RACEWIND (Nervously) Uhhh -- Um... uh... Racewind looks around, then looks down and sees Kenny’s arm lying in front of her. She kicks it to the side. Kyle takes Kenny’s arm and hides it behind his back. Smiling. RACEWIND (CON’T) (Sweetly) Nothing Officer Barbrady... It’s just my... Little brother’s Barmitzva party. ON THE STAGE OF THE FLOOR Two cult members are picking up the Swastika that had recently fallen on Kenny’s arm, and hang it back on the wall. Officer Barbrady sees this from the corner of his eye. BARBRADY Ah-Huh. The two cult members see Barbrady’s glance, drop the Swastika, and run out the auditorium door. Two dogs chase them. CULT MEMBER #1 (O.S.) Aaaaah! CULT MEMBER #2 (O.S.) OH MY GOD! The doors SLAM shut behind them. Officer Barbrady walks up to the Swastika and inspects it. DRAMATIC MUSIC as -- Officer Barbrady TAKES OUT a hanker chief, and wipes Kenny’s blood away from the Swastika. BARBRADY Well, you all play nicely now... I don’t wanna have to come here again. Racewind, Kyle, Stan, Leelou, Cartman, and Pip watch Officer Barbrady as he leaves the auditorium. The dogs follow him out to his car. BARBRADY (O.S.) (To the dogs) Hello, boys. Officer Barbrady screams horrified as the dogs attack him. SFX: Officer Barbrady’s car door SLAMS shut, the car screeches as he drives off with the dogs barking noisily. EXT. ELEMENTARY SCHOOL - NIGHT. Kyle, Stan, Racewind, Leelou, Pip, and Cartman walk out of of the gym doors. Dead bodies lie among them. LEELOU Dude, we have like less cult members than we started with! This is all your fault Racewind! RACEWIND MY fault? I’m not the one that tried to drown MY little brother! LEELOU Yeah? Well I’M not the one that came up with this stupid plan, anyways!!! RACEWIND Yeah, well -- Everyone is stunned as Racewind’s voice starts to sound a bit like Mr. Garrison. RACEWIND (CON’T) It was YOUR idea to get a bunch of KIDS. STAN Woah dude! KYLE That was cool! RACEWIND (With her normal voice) It’s what happens to me when I get pissed off. I HATE it! CARTMAN You kind of sounded like Mr. Garrison. RACEWIND No shit, fat ass! LEELOU Great, now I have to choose between being an adult or a kid for the rest of my pathetic little life... Let’s see... I can go back to school, OR, get a job as a porn star. (Thinks) Hmmm... I think I’m gonna be a porn star. KYLE Cool, then