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This is page two of the Chef Aid CD division of our lyrics archive. This page currently features the lyrics to all of the songs on 'Chef Aid: The South Park Album'. If you wish to make a correction or suggestion, please email me. The Chefaid Lyrics have been split up into 2 pages for easier viewing, you can navigate between them below.

::Chef Aid: The South Park Album::
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11. No Substitute
Performed by Chef
You know, Kathie Lee.. you are a very special woman. I don't mean special in a Mary Tyler Moore way.. Or an extra-value meal at Happy Burger way.. No, I mean special, like the song of the hummingbird.. As it gets ready to find a female hummingburd.. And make sweet love to it, all night long. Just 2 hummingbirds, moaning and groaning.. Lettin' their bodies caress, and touch each other in ecstasy. Then Slowly the male hummingbird gets behind the female hummingbird.. And eases his way into her golden valley. Gliding Gently, in and out.. in and out.. ooh, in and out.. 2 hummingbirds doin' it doggy style all night long.. Until finally, the male hummingbird screams with passion.. and lets his little humming gravy fly all over the nest.. Yeah.. and it makes me wanna.. Makes me wanna sing this special song for you, Yeah baby..

Oh Kathie Lee, your such a special woman to me!
How I'd love to lay ya down..
And lick every inch of your bodaay with my tongue!
Kathie Lee, you're my sexual fantasy..
How 'bout you and me, get it together and make sweet love!
Cos, nobody can take your place, no way the could match your face
You've got it goin' on in a way so clear, I just wanna buy you a beer
I thought maybe tonight at 7:30 or something I could uh..
Come by and pick you up in my caaaaarrr..
No Substitute, No Substitute for you, No Substitute! No baby there's..
No Substitute, for you girl, No Substitute for you now!

I know you love my body so much
It's something you can't have but touch, oww!
I might let you if you promise to be gentle..
hmm, now i'm gettin' all sentimental..
Maybe after I pick you up in my car, we could bog down over by the gas station and go for 2 weeks and 1 night in the back seat and..
Drop you off at hooome..
No Substitute, No Substitute for you, No Substitute! No baby there's..
No Substitute, come on lemme sing.. No Substitute for you now!

Now you remember our 2 hummingbirds? Well, after their night of Passion.. The male hummingbird couldn't sleep or eat.. All he could think about was that one incredible night.. when feathers wee flying all over the nest, and beaks were where they shouldn't be.. So he puts his beak lips together and whistles a song.. Calling that femaly hummingbird back for another night of fire.. Just like i'm calling for you baby..
[chef whistles] Hey, get yo' ass over her for some good lovin'!

There's only one word that can describe you..
Your a flippety-floppity-hotcha-mamma-hoo-hoo!
You've got everything i've ever wanted..
..my metaphors have all been exhausted!
So what's say you and I forget about singing this song
And act like a couple of hummingbirds ourselves
and get down to some businessss..
No Substitute, No Substitute for you, No-no-no-no Substitute! No baby there's..
No Substitute, for you girl.. No-no-no-no-no-Substitute..

Ladies and Gentlemen, the fabulous.. Chef-ettes!
No-no-no-no-sub-sti-tute-for-you
no-no-no-no-no-no, for you girl.. No Substitute..
No Substitute, No substitute for you.. Kathie Leeeee!

12. Wake up Wendy!
Performed by Elton John
Got this bug-eyed girl, cold hand on my knee..
Frozen teeth, chitter-chatter
Dressed up like a Cemetary, Like a Cemetary..
Snow Bound all winter, blue lips on my cheek..
Little tongues prowling round
And talking 'bout them hometown hicks
them hometown hicks..

Wake up Wendy! Smell the coffee
Help me into your cuddlesome kitchen..
Gimme a cup, of that ol' black magic
I wanna get me some of that ol' home cooking..
Can you feel it? Still is it freezing?
Wake up Wendy! Moods are changing
I've got a reason, you've got a feeling
Wake up Wendy, Love's in Season.

Feels like a Steam Clean, when she washes me..
Valves a-busting, pumps a-hissing
Just Peel me off the Ceiling, off the Ceiling..
Chill out, bug-eyed girl, zap me into cinders..
Up the thermal Mumbo-Jumbo
Melt me with your little love-fingers
your little love-fingers..

Wake up Wendy! Smell the coffee
Help me into your cuddlesome kitchen..
Gimme a cup, of that ol' black magic
I wanna get me some of that ol' home cooking..
Can you feel it? Still is it freezing?
Wake up Wendy! Moods are changing
I've got a reason, you've got a feeling
Wake up Wendy, Love's in Season.

13. Horny + Sid Greenfield Argument
Performed by Mousse T
Voice: Production?
Sid: Its Sid Greenfield for Matt and Trey.
Voice: Hold on..
Matt: Hello?
Sid: Trey?
Matt: Oh no, this is Matt.
Sid: Matt.. it's Sid Greenfield
Matt: Oh, Hey Sid! What's going on man?
Sid: Uh, hello.. uh listen, uh man, okay, this is you and me talkin' here, okay? Okay, listen, I'm sitting here, bleeding out my ass.
Matt: Umm, right..
Sid: Okay.. and you know why, man?
Matt: Why?
Sid: Because of this Mousse T track.
Matt: Oh, horny horny horny?
Sid: Yeah, and you know, its, its gotta go on the Southpark Album.
Matt: Oh no dude, we've already talked about this, we hate this song..
Sid: No, i know you..
Matt: We've already talked about this!
Sid: I know you hate it, I hate it, everyone hates it.. but listen, we need this pop song on the album! This is what the kids wanna hear.. This is where the money's gonna be made!
Matt: I don't care about that!
Sid: I'm the only one who agrees with you, okay? This is huge in europe right now, and everyone in Europe hate you except for me, okay? I'm your, i'm your guy here, okay? Listen to me..
Matt: Right..
Sid: This song, is the best song ever written.
Matt: How can you say that?
Sid: What'd I say? Matt: 'This is the best song ever written.' Sid: I agree with you man! I agree with you right there, it is a great song, and I know that, i know its a great song..
Matt: Hold on, i'll.. Trey, Trey? They, they wanna put that uh, that Mousse T, that horny horny horny song, they wanna put in on the album.
Trey: No dude, we said no! I thought i told him no last week!
Sid: Okay Matt, Matt, listen.. you know what? This is just you and me talking, but Fuck trey.
Trey: This is Trey!
Sid: Okay Trey, listen to me.. this is you and me talking here, The Mousse T track, its gotta go on the album..
Trey: No!
Sid: Hello?
Trey: Hello.
Sid: Will you listen to this song just one more time?
Trey: No..
Sid: Okay, here it goes.. here it is.

 I'm horny all night long, I'm horny all night long
I'm horny all night long, I'm horny all night long
I'm horny all night long, I'm horny all night long
Sid: Are you listening?
Matt: This song sucks man!
Trey: This song sucks! We've already talked about this!
Sid: Listen, listen to this part..
 I'm horny all night long, I'm horny all night long
Sid: Woooo!
Sid: You see that man! You gotta give it a chance.. Let it get under your skin.. You can't tell me that your feet ain't moving.
 You've got me horny in the mornin' and you kno-o-ow..
I tried to call you, but I cannot find the telephone
I sent a message through the Internet, but it rejected..
I wrote a letter, and I sent it with the po-o-ost.
The post it takes so long, I've got to sing this song..
To let you know how I feel, what's the deal baby?
And I can't wait for you, and the things you make me do..
My heart is ringing so I'm singing this song for you!

I'm horny.. horny, horny, horny.
Sid: Yeeeaah!
So horny.. horny, horny, horny.
I'm horny.. horny, horny, horny.
Sid: Ooooh, feel it man.
So horny.. I'm horny, horny, horny tonight!

I searched from town to town, but I can't find my bird, oh no..
I got so desperate, that I sent a rocket to the moon.
In New York City, someone said they saw you singing the blues..
But it was a man from Nowhere Land that looked like you.
I will keep searching on, this feeling's much too strong..
My heart is ringing, so I'm singing this song for you!

I'm horny.. horny, horny, horny.
Sid: You see that Matt? They're singing 'horny horny horny', but its actually a metaphor for being horny, its genious..
So horny.. horny, horny, horny.
I'm horny.. horny, horny, horny.
Sid: Have you ever been horny, matt?
So horny.. I'm horny, horny, horny tonight!
Sid: Matt? Matt are you still listen.. Matt, are ya still listening?
I'm horny, horny, horny tonight!
Sid: Arrgh, Son of a bitch! Matt, god dammit! Pick up the phone!
I'm horny, horny, horny tonight!
I'm horny all night long, I'm horny all night long..
Matt: I'm still here
Sid: Hi Matt.
 I'm horny all night long, I'm horny all night long..
Sid: See, check this part out right here..
I'm horny all night long, I'm horny all night long..
I'm horny all night long, I'm horny all night long..

The post it takes so long, I've got to sing this song..
To let you know how I feel, what's the deal baby?
And I can't wait for you, and the things you make me do..
Matt: We said no to this song, like, a month ago.. it sucks!
Sid: Listen Matt, you know i agree with your, you know I always agree with you, right?
 My heart is ringing so I'm singing this song for you!

Sid: Matt, you are wrong here!
I'm horny.. horny, horny, horny.
So horny.. horny, horny, horny.
Sid: Matt, you don't understand, its European!
Matt: I don't care about that!
 I'm horny.. horny, horny, horny.
Sid: What if its the last song on the album?
Matt: No.
Sid: Okay, what if its the first song on the album?
Matt: No.
Sid: What if we get Deff Leppard do do it?
Matt: No!
Matt: All we wanted to do is have South Park Album..
Sid: I agree..
Matt: We didn't wanna pack it with bullshit, its bullshit
Sid: I agree! I mean, thats why, uh..
Matt: No, this song, is NOT going on the South Park Record! Its NOT going on the album!
Sid: Matt, Okay, listen, okay Matt.. this is you and me talking here, Matt.. You said no, you listened to it, you said no.. so i'm not gonna put it on the album. You know why Matt? Because i'm your guy.
14. Huboon Stomp
Performed by Devo
Well, I'm a Huboon baby, I'm a cross between a human and a knave.
I'm all gagged out, I'm gonna hoot, I'm gonna root, I'm gonna rave!
People look at me and laugh and make fun of my face.
I laugh right back, I don't wanna be part of the human race!
I get into my soul, now somebody's gonna be sorry.

Well I'm a Huboon baby, gonna mess around with all you fools..
I'm all pumped up, I'm gonna rap, I'm gonna snap, I'm gonna rule!
Had the operation, nothing else left to do.
Well lookie here, I've been hurt, gonna hurt you.
Now somebody's gonna be sorry, like all you witches and you slime.
And all you right wing pin heads, who make screwing a big crime
You kitty twisted up my life, and pissed all over my dreams..
You made me hate myself, now come on shoot me, set me free!
He's a Huboon baby, he's a pin head foul-mouthed stump
He's a Huboon baby, he's a pin head foul-mouthed stump
He's a Huboon baby, he's a pin head foul-mouthed stump
He's a Huboon baby, he's a pin head foul-mouthed stump
I get into my soul, Now somebody's gonna be sorry.

Well I'm a Huboon baby, I grew up to be the president.
I'm outside-in I'm really tweeked, I'm really freaked, I'm really bent!
Big town poppas better hurry hide your little girls.
I'll chop their bones I'll sniff 'em out 'round the world.
Now somebody's gonna be sorry, like all you witches and you slime.
And all you right wing pin heads, who make screwing a big crime.
You kitty twisted up my life, and pissed all over my dreams..
You made me hate myself, now come on shoot me, set me free!
I'm a Huboon baby, I'm a cross between a human, and a knave.
Well I'm all gagged out, I'm gonna hoot, I'm gonna root, I'm gonna rave!
People look at me and laugh and make fun of my face..
I laugh right back, I don't wanna be part of the human race!

15. Love Gravy
Performed by Rick James and Ike Turner
I'm Gonna make love to you woman
Gonna lay ya down by the fire
And caress your womanly bod-ay
Make you moan and perspire
I'm gonna get those juices flowing
Making Love Gravy, Love Gravy, Love Gravy
Love, Love, Love..

I'm gonna make love to you, woman
Gonna lay you down by the fire..
And caress your womanly body
Make you moan and perspire..
I'm gonna get those juices flowing
Making Love Gravy, Love Gravy, Love Gravy
Love, Love, Love! Ooh-ee..
Open up a packet of my gravy..
Baby it's burning just for you..
Would you like another helpin' of my gravy?
Baby say yeah.. [yeah yeah yeah]

I'm gonna make love to ya woman
'gonna get a little freaky too..
With Lingerie and Leather
And a bottle of Superglue..
Let's make a Human Pretzel
Dip it in Love Gravy, Love Gravy, Love Gravy
Love, Love, Love! Ooh-ee..
Open up a packet of my gravy..
Baby it's burning just for you..
Would you like another helpin' of my gravy?
Baby say yeah.. [yeah yeah yeah]

I'm gonna climb into your Cockpit
Gonna get those rockets firing..
Blast you into Orbit
And burn out all your wiring..
Get our asses on the Launchpad
Making Love Gravy, Love Gravy, Love Gravy
Love, Love, Love!
Open up a packet of my gravy..
Baby it's burning just for you..
Would you like another helpin' of my gravy?
Baby say yeah.. [yeah yeah yeah]

I got a whole lot of gravy left baby..
Ooh, those are nice.. would you like some gravy on those?
There's enough gravy to go around for everybody.
mmmmmm.. I'm gonna drown all you bitches in gravy.

16. Feel Like Makin' Love
Performed by Ned Gerblansky and Chef
Baby, when I think about you..
I think about love.
Baby, can't live without you..
and your lo-mrrrrrh.
If I had those golden dreams
of my yesterday..
I would wrap you in the Heavens
And feel it mrrh, mrrh, mrrh, mrrh
[Feel like makin']

Feel like makin' love..
Feel like makin' love..
Feel like makin' love..
Feel like makin' love to you.

Baby, If I think about you..
I think about Love!
Darling, If I live without you..
I live without Love! [mrrh]
And if I had the sun and the moon..
mrrh! mgrggh! mrrrh!
I would give you both night and day
Love satisfying.. Feel Like, mrh, makin..

Feel Like Making LOVE!
Feel Like Making, mrgh, love.. Feel Like Making LOVE!
Feel Like Making, mggh, mrrgh..
Feel Like Making LOVE!
Feel Like.. making love..
Feel Like Making LOVE!
Feel Like Making Love to yooou!

17. The Rainbow
Performed by Ween
Many colours in a homo rainbow
Don't be afaid to let your colours shine..
Many colours in a homo rainbow
Show me yours, I'm gonna show you mine..
If you find your pot of gold
Then every little thing is gonna work out fine..
In a homo rainbow.

Many colours in a homo rainbow
Pick any shade from black to yellow..
Many colours in a homo rainbow
A warm embrace and a kind of 'hello'..
If you find your pot of gold
Then every little thing is gonna work out fine..
In a homo rainbow.
If you find your pot of gold
Then every little thing is gonna work out fine..
In a homo rainbow.

Every single colour, every walk of life,
In all shapes and sizes, gone every day and night,
From the golden shores of Kansas to the meadows of Japan,
Reach around your soul and love your fellow man.
There are many colours in a homo rainbow
Don't be afraid to let your colours shine..
Don't be ashamed of what God made you.

18. Tonight is Right for Love
Performed by Meatloaf and Chef
Tonight is Right For Love..
You know I wanna touch you where the lights don't go
Tonight is Right For Love..
with Meredith Baxter Burney.
Expressing love so sweet..
I'll keep you burning like a dog in heat
Tonight is Right For Love..
with Meredith Baxter Burney.
We had a love that was so magical..
Meredith Baxter Burney, Burning, Burning in my soul
I'm not talking about Meredith Baxter Burney today, no..
I'm talking about Meredith Baxter Burney
that was on Family Ties 10 years ago..
After the love comes the darkness of hell..
A demon inside you like a bottomless well..
Nothing is safe, and everything is a lie..
Love doesn't last, no matter hard you try..
Burning, burning, through your brain I think of a pain.. [hey meat]
and then you finally realise that it's all a mistake.. [meatloaf..]
Splinters of wood getting forced in your eyes!
Shes been the one [meat!], and it gets wrapped in half..
Your skins coming off and you roll in the salt.. [meat! meat!]
Meatloaf: What?
Chef: Where you going son?
Meat: Oh gosh..
Chef: Come back to us we're over here!
Meatloaf: Oh.. Sorry Chef man, i'm sorry
Chef: Okay but this song is about Meredith Baxter Burney, not not about splitting wood in your eyes!
Meatloaf: Your right..
Chef: Here, have a taco
Meatloaf: Ah, a taco! great, I need a taco... [crunch]
Chef: Your messing up my business with Meridith Baxter Burney.. Alright?
Meatloaf: [crunch] mmmm.. umm, yeah, great..

Tonight is right for love..
The rain is falling and Jay Leno is on
Let's turn down the lights, turn up the volume and go crazy.
I'll touch your body and soul..
And change your shadows with remote control
Cos tonight is right for love..
With Meredith Baxter Burney!

19. It's a Rockin' World
Performed by Joe Strummer
Well, it's a Rockin' world, make no mistake about it,
It's a Shockin' world, could be what's so great about it,
It's a Rockin' world, there aint nothing fake about it..
Whoh whoh, well welcome to this world bro
Whoh whoh, we're tryin to find an answer
Whoh whoh, we got a surface module and a burly dancer..

On the sidewalk earth..
A boy is trying to show a girl what he is worth,
Poky on the cashflow..
But he's still gonna, go right up and ask her..
Why is it barbaric, is it biological?
Why is it kinetic, is it asophysiological?
It's an epidemic, there's nothing logically Logical
Logical, Logical..

Well, it's a Rockin' world, make no mistake about it,
It's a Shockin' world, could be what's so great about it,
It's a Rockin' world, there aint nothing fake about it..

Now, why do babies cry?
I asked the cold today, but all he did was fly..
And he took the cynic way,
The laws of chaos..
Left us all in disarray.
Now take the bumblebee, a lousy rotten bum..
Not a shred of money, just a lazy buzzing hum
He takes all our honey..
And Now the Garden of Eden has got to pay, that's who.
Well we're back to base..
Can't make no error in tale of this place.
But home we're returning back to base.. base.
Can only notify when, love comes to phase..
Doesn't sell the bite when the, in the initial phase,
Let's all go to fight in the, DNA stage..

Well, it's a Rockin' world, make no mistake about it,
It's a Shockin' world, could be what's so great about it,
It's a Rockin' world, there aint nothing fake about it..

20. Mephesto and Kevin
Performed by Primus
In 1986 the University of California Davis saw two of its all time brightest stars, Dr Alphonse Mephesto and Dr Arnie Absucrepin. Dr Mephesto worked hard towards his theasis, his goal was to genetically duplicate the DNA structure of an asparagus, so that all asparagus' would grow to the same girth and length, giving asparagus a much more pleasant presentation in the world's supermarket vegetable bin. D Absucrepin's goal was to genetically create the greatest musical entertainer the world had ever seen. Doctor Absucrepin knew that if he could assemble the right elements he could theoretically build the DNA structure that would ensure his creation had talent far surpassing the average the average individual. At the time one subject of urban myth was the story that Michael Jackson, in an attempt to retain his youthful look and feminine vocal characteristics, had his testicles surgically removed thereby making him a modern day castrato. If such a rumor were true, Michael Jackson more that likely would have had some of his semen preserved before the surgery to ensure the future of his name and lineage. Word came back to Dr Absucrepin of a secret cold storage locker deep within the bowels of the UCLA research center, that not only contained 4 containers of frozen semen, but also held a pair of testicles, each was labeled with the name, 'Jack Michaelson'.

I once heard a noise..
in the night, the most sensual voice
A song of love from an angelic boy
Stuck in my head, and this is what he said..
'I am Gopher Boy, pondering reality,
I am Gopher Boy, Who will find my raspberries?'

This had to be the seed of the king of pop. Dr Absucrepin was able to use his charm and Chiseled Great features to woo a young lab technician by the name of Jennifer, who of course, just happened to have the proper access needed to obtain a small vial of the precious semen. The search for the egg was a short one, Dr Mephesto simply ran an ad in the classified section of an L.A. music magazine. The ad read, 'Wanted: Unfertilized human eggs for genetic experiment, donors must have musical background'. With a plethora of young, eager, wannabe musical starlets willing to sell their eggs, the two doctors after rigorous auditioning, picked and purchased. Doctor Absucrepin felt that it would be far less complicated legally if the fetus were brought to term in a the womb of a non-human. He had long since secured the services of the University Volleyball Mascot, a Llama by the name of 'Missy'. When the baby was ready, the child was removed via Cecarium. It was a healthy Baby Boy. He was Named Kevin.

I once heard a noise..
in the night, the most sensual voice
A song of love from an angelic boy
Stuck in my head, and this is what he said..
'I am Gopher Boy, pondering reality,
I am Gopher Boy, Who will find my raspberries?'

Kevin was a Beautiful child, Dr Absucrepin saw to it that Kevin was trained by the best in all aspects of Performing. His voice was Golden and had a Sweetness to it that most Males Lacked. He moved with Grace and was able to Moonwalk by the time he was 3. As Kevin grew with his talent, Dr Absucrepin Started noticing odd Developments in his physical state. When Kevin lost his baby teeth, his secondaries came in with a vengeance; they were at least twice the size of a normal adults and the two in front stuck nearly straight out. Also as Kevin Reached his 8th year he was the same height as when he was 4. To top it off he was growing hair all over and his penis was enormous, even by adult standards. It also dawned on the doctor that even through all the years of hearing Kevin sing he rarely spoke, often choosing to communicate with various grunts and gurgles.

I once heard a noise..
in the night, the most sensual voice
A song of love from an angelic boy
Stuck in my head, and this is what he said..
'I am Gopher Boy, pondering reality,
I am Gopher Boy, Who will find my raspberries?'

Others were noticing the changes in Kevin. Children began to tease him, and call him 'Gopher Boy'. One day a bully by the name of 'Big Roy' started throwing bananas at him. Soon a crowd of kids were all throwing bananas. Suddenly in a fury, Kevin rushed at Big Roy and bit three fingers off on his left hand. Kevin was taken away and placed in the custody of the state. Dr Absucrepin actions were found out but because there was no legislation concerning the genetic construction of another human being, no criminal charges were brought forth. The medical associations board of ethics stripped him of all his credentials and his reputation was ruined. In fact his name became so synonymous with failure that for years to come med students around the world were known to say in times of mishap, 'Damn, I feel just like Absucrepin!' Dr Mephesto immediately proceedings to adopt little Kevin. Being a noted scientist and the creator of the cloned asparagus, it wasn't long before the two were legally united as father and son. The moved to Colorado where they could live in relative obscurity. Kevin is still a boy of few spoken words, sticking mainly to his grunts and gurgles, but on occasions if you listen closely, you can hear his sweet golden singing voice ring out into the night over the small town of South Park..

'I am Gopher Boy, pondering reality,
I am Gopher Boy, Who will find my raspberries?'


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